A Carer’s Sorrow-Filled Heart

Written by Christina Johns, October 2022

It matters not now, how much you care,
How you wish,
How you want, or how you worry.

It’s out of your hands and beyond your control,
As you bear witness in silent despair.

No matter the agony and pain you may feel,
It cannot measure or compare to their shame.

And our heart swells with sorrow,
And our eyes burn with tears,
As we breathe silently
In defiant resistance.

We pause in the moment,
And completely fall down
A million small pieces,
Lay smashed on the ground

We pick ourselves up,
We stand tall and stay Strong.

But we’re only pretending to be brave.

We hold it all in,
While we shatter inside,
Today is the same as tomorrow.

The struggle grows greater and graver each day,
As my head falls, into my hands.

And I process and ponder the cost of my tears,
As my bones groan, with the weight that they bear.

Why must we carry the love of this world
In a bucket that's filled with great holes?

And we fight and we wrestle,
To show them we Care,
As they struggle to breathe,
They are hopeless and scared.

And we snatch the cold moments,
When no one can see.

The cost of our Caring,
Counts the loss of our dreams.

And we swallow the tragedy,
One moment, One day,
And we rise, and we do it again.

I always will carry,
The yolk of this Care,
Although it may break all my bones.

I rise up, with each morning,
Unapologetically proud,
And thank God for my lot in this world.

If only, I could change,
But one thing today,
My son, I would give you it all