Now, years later, Sandra recognises that stress and life events exacerbate her husband’s mental health issues, but she didn’t always see this pattern.

When Sandra’s son was seven, he and then her husband, were diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and anxiety. Her son was also diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

After a particularly stressful two years, Sandra developed adrenal fatigue, anxiety and depression from the stress of her caring role.

‘I didn’t know I was a carer. I was just trying to help my family get by. After something helped me realise I was a carer, I went on a carers’ day out to the hot springs and sat shaking at the end of the day. I’d been completely relaxed for the first time in years and didn’t want to go home,’ she says.

Joining a local mental health carer support group, Grow – Better Together, was the start of Sandra prioritising her own wellbeing.

‘Grow introduced me to the idea that it wasn’t reasonable for me to be doing everything, managing everything, and working full time – something had to change.’

The support group helped her learn how to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ and make incremental positive changes in her life.

One of these changes was going to counselling, which helped Sandra learn that her needs were as important as the needs of her husband and children, and that she could get support. This led to Sandra undertaking activities for her own wellbeing, such as having monthly massages and starting karate.

‘I went to carer education workshops and a retreat, and everyone was able to survive without me for two nights! I learnt how to care for myself better, so that I would be able to care for others.’

Twelve years on, Sandra and her husband are getting along well, their kids are at university, and Sandra is a team leader at work. She knows how to take care of herself and what the signs are when she hasn’t made time for herself.

Sandra still attends the Grow carer support group, which meets twice a month online. Now a brown belt in karate, Sandra is confident she’ll attain her black belt in the next year or two.

As Sandra says, ‘The future now looks bright.’